(Estimated reading time: 3.5 minutes)
You’re late for work. Wait, let me rephrase this. The train was faulty and you happen to be one of the unlucky bunch and therefore, you arrive at work late – the train caused your lateness
(bad train!). Or maybe you didn’t hear your alarm because your phone(!) was stuck under the pillow – your phone shouldn’t have hid itself (naughty phone!).
Sounds ridiculous? But I’m sure we’re all guilty of it at some point of our lives. Or we could still be. Victimising yourself is simple. It shifts the blame to something else other than yourself. You’re off the hook, hurray! …or not? You’re still late, your boss isn’t going to take the phone alarm bullshit. Maybe, just maybe the train excuse. Although you know very well you shouldn’t have watched that Korean or American drama till the wee hours.
That’s exactly what I want to discuss today. And I implore you to stop victimising yourself and take charge – of everything, as long as you have the slightest involvement in. Because taking charge of everything is how you make changes to yourself and improve in the process.
The same thing is going to happen again
Now, you can continue victimising yourself for virtually everything that happens to you in your lifetime. That’s easy. But what if I tell you that by victimising yourself, you’re setting up for the same old happenings? That means if you continue blaming all the external factors that you can’t control for your lateness (as in the punctuality example above), you’re going to be late – for as long as you victimise yourself.
Same goes for anything bad that happens to you. It can be not studying well for your exams or not sleeping well the night before it. It can be blaming the bus or train or taxi driver for not getting you to work on time. It can be blaming your parents for not being richer than your friends’ or your “luck” in landing a job interview and ultimately getting the job.
If you keep victimising yourself, these are going to keep happening. And you will be wondering why in the hell isn’t anything going well for you. Well, that’s because you refuse to take charge! Harsh truth. If you want things to change, for your own sake, go and change yourself, your actions and responses to happenings. No amount of whining and wallowing in self-pity is going to change anything. You’re just reenacting your own “victim role”. Take charge, for your own sake.
“But you don’t know me and how I feel”
That’s true. No one will know your feelings better than you do. No one knows how you feel. But it is your responsibility to make your feelings known to others, not the other way around. Blaming someone else for not taking your feelings into account won’t change anything. Except for the fact that the person will probably be pissed at you.
If there’s no way of others understanding how you feel, deal with it. Sure, you can continue blaming others and victimising yourself. But nothing is going to ever change, unless you change yourself. And if anything, how you feel is not important. That’s another harsh truth. What really matters and is important is controlling how you feel and ultimately, becoming a better version of yourself.
If you’re victimising yourself for a very long time, it’s going to take a while for you to change that. But it is going to change. A victim can change his or her own fate only if he or she makes the conscious decision to actually step out of victimhood. You will remain a victim if you keep dwelling over it, complaining about how much you’ve suffered. And nothing is going to ever change.
So challenge yourself. Make baby steps into changing your perspective about bad things that happen to you. Same goes for good things. Realise that many things that happen to you are the result of your direct and indirect actions. You might not be able to control what happens to you but you can control how you react and respond to it. Don’t victimise yourself, take charge.
It’s never too late to start. But now is the time.